Speedy Delivery: A Weekly Song Editorial

It's Hard To Be Red

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Notes: I read an article about redheads during the week of St. Patrick’s Day (the only day us Reds are celebrated) that suggested redheads make up only 2% of the United States population – and the numbers are falling faster than Bush’s approval rating. The sun has been screwing us over for so long, and now it seems that our very own country has forsaken us. I wrote this song of Red Pride for my wife, brother, two nieces, and nephew who are all redheads; like me, they scorn the rest of the hemisphere for “enjoying” Spring, and the rebirth of the sun’s ultra-violet death rays. While the song began as an Anti-Spring anthem, it emerged as a tribute to all the great Reds who have burned before us. Notable Reds that didn’t make the song: William Shakespeare, Axl Rose, and Ginger Spice.

It’s Hard to Be Red
by: Jake Speed
3/21/06

The tulips are up, the robin’s singing
The sun’s come back, it’s finally Spring and
I’m supposed to cheer or smile or dance or
Something like that but Spring to me means cancer

I’m red-headed, don’t you know that
My skin is whiter than a bucket of snow
If freckles connected, I’d be allright
But I guess that’s impossible, I already tried
I wish it were Winter again, and it’s hard to be a Red.

Spring Break time, you’re all on a cruise
While I’m inside with the sunburnt blues
Your golden brown tan soaks sun by the ocean
While I sit and soak in 80 proof sunscreen lotion

I’m red-headed don’t you see
I’m the one you made fun of as a kid, that’s me
Big Red, Carrot Top, Sunkist Melon
You can take your tan skin, and go to Hell and
you prolly won’t burn but I will
‘cause it’s hard to be a Red.

Woody Allen, Danny Bodaduce
Richie Cunningham and don’t forget Lucy
Queen Elizabeth, Bloody Mary Queen of Scots
Anne Boleyn had a redhead but Henry cut it off
General Custer, Napolean too
Both red-headed, both got screwed
Trotsky and Lenin: two Communist Reds
even Gorbechev had a red thing on his head
Art Garfunkel, not as talented as Simon
But I like him better ‘cause he’s red-headed, kind of
Jefferson and Grant, even Dwight Eisenhower
All White House men with Red Head Power
Willie Nelson and Bonnie Raitt
Both love singing their songs in the shade
Vincent Van Gogh may have cut off an ear
But he never cut off his dark orange beard
Mark Twain’s a great writer, there’s no mistaking
But put him in the sun and he’d burn like bacon
Little Orphan Annie sang a gem
The Sun won’t Come Out till Tomorrow, Amen!

I’m red-headed, don’t you get it
I’m the reason the whole country of Ireland was invented
It’s hard, I say, to live this way
When people only like you on St. Patrick’s Day
Yet with all these difficulties said, I’m glad to be a Red. At least I’m not bald. Thank god I’m not a blonde. I’m glad to be a red.

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Comments

Rembrandt wasn't a red head, I'm not either, poor van Gogh was, and so is my sister. A lot of my cousin are, but what the hell. A good friend of mine was, who road a Hog chopper, he never joined the Angels, but road with them all. I made cycle-world center fold, once myself, burnt a circle of black rubber, as the band was playing, people shouting and screaming, scattering off the dance floor, I could have got my ass kick good, before narrowly escaping out the back door,.... on my chopped Triumph bike of course.

This song rings true, of a few happening in my life, I gave it all up, for my two kids and my wife. Now that I'm retired, after slaving away, help in the raising a wonderful family over the years. Now I'm able to hug my own grand-kids, and feel it was worth it, to give up my skid.

I've been to Maine, Spain, Spokane,... danced, pranced, romanced,... fought, you know what, drove truck,... seen the monkey in Rembrandt's family portrait, and van Gogh's last painting of him shooting himself,..... but I have never in my life,.... heard any thing like that before.

Bob Miller---vanrijngo

posted by vanrijngo on October 28, 2007

Hey Red,
didn't you get my comment,... of my little verse I'd sent you? That was supposed to be funny my friend. I do like your stuff and would like to here back from you.
Cheers!
Bob

posted by vanrijngo on October 28, 2007

Speedy Delivery: A Weekly Song Editorial

It's Hard To Be Red

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