Speedy Delivery: A Weekly Song Editorial

Pumped Up as Folk

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Notes: One of my songwriting missions involves singing out against injustice. This week's song strikes out against the media's refusal to cover the out-of-control steroid use that's driving a hammer through American Folk music. If the media doesn't quit wasting its time on baseball players and start attempting to put a cork in this Folk music 'roids use, then we'll all be bombarded with beefed up Bob Dylans who have lungs like horses and are able to blow on harmonicas for days.

Steroid-Using Folksinger
by: Jake Speed
4/24/06

Woke up and hammered out another folk song
It’s the seven hundred and 15th one
That’s a record-setting number for a 28 year-old boy
And I wrote every one while hopped up on steroids

I’ve penned more tunes than Babe Ruth ever did
And Hammerin’ Hank Aaron, Lord I’m closing in on him
And every single note was enhanced by ‘roids
But I can’t even get my name into the Tabloids

Put my name in lights
I deserve the press
I’m a steroid-using folksinger
I’m a mess

Put my name in lights
It’s just not fair
I cheated just as bad
As all the famous baseball players

I wrote a few folk songs when I was quite young
But after taking steroids, the songs just kept coming
I’m not proud, but I’d like to come clean
And I’d like to do it live in concert on national TV

Where’s my interview? Where’s my subpoena?
Congress, did you somehow forget about me?
Won’t someone write a book that exposes all my lies
And get my name in bold in all the headlines

Put my name in lights
I deserve to be accused
I sold my soul to steroids
When I learned to play the blues

Put my name in lights
It’s just not fair
I cheated just as bad
As all the famous baseball players

I’ll pitch this question: What’s the big deal?
So a guy took some ‘roids to hit a ball out of a field
I took ‘roids to write all my folk songs
I’m a one-man folk revival, that’s just sick and wrong

Ladies and Gentlemen, please hear what I say
When your finger feels ready to ridicule and blame
Lay off the ballplayers; they don’t need no more
It’s the steroid-popping folksingers that want your scorn

Put my name in lights
Make sure I’m belittled
I took a double ‘roids
To learn the banjo and the fiddle

Put my name in lights
It’s just not fair
I cheated just as bad
As all the famous baseball players

< Walk Away

Jose, Can't You See? >

Speedy Delivery: A Weekly Song Editorial

Pumped Up as Folk

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